I never thought that at this time in our lives, we would be testing out the "in sickness" part of our marriage vows. Yesterday, Greg, my life partner, had hip surgery. Not the replacement most people think of, but a scraping of the cartilage done arthroscopically - yikes! Days before this inevitable event, I tried to stay positive and relaxed. However, I could feel my guts getting tighter and my breathing more labored as the moments ticked by. I felt this uncontrollable boiling up of emotion, related to trying so hard to "fix" everything around me. I was starting to stress, because I wanted everything to be perfect. I felt that if I could control all the minor issues at home and with our business before we went to the hospital, then somehow the surgery would go better. WOW, was that exhausting!
I realize, it may sound strange to some, that as a yogi, I can't just let go. I talk a lot about breathing and releasing in my teaching, and part of the reason I do it, is to reaffirm that concept in my own life. The more I say out loud what I need to do to stay peaceful, calm, and level headed, I find it becomes easier to actually put it into practice. Clearly, I still need to work at it.
Let's be honest and call it what it is... I like control. Whatever I can manage, mold, or shape, makes me happy and content. But there are just some things in life, we need to let go of. I understand the concepts of trust, but I don't really know what I'm trusting in. Am I trusting in Greg's Doctors? Trusting in Greg's ability to heal? Or am I simply releasing fears, frustration and control out to the beautiful forgiving Universe to keep my sanity?
Whatever it is, it has all worked out. Greg is perfectly fine and my desire to keep a tidy little "no sickness" life has gone to shit and I love it. There is something refreshing about knowing that even when times get tough we can bounce back. We grow, learn and keep moving to relinquish the need to micro manage our lives. When we finally let go - even an inch, we can look around with a smile, and realize, the universe has given us a mile.
Namaste,
Becs
I realize, it may sound strange to some, that as a yogi, I can't just let go. I talk a lot about breathing and releasing in my teaching, and part of the reason I do it, is to reaffirm that concept in my own life. The more I say out loud what I need to do to stay peaceful, calm, and level headed, I find it becomes easier to actually put it into practice. Clearly, I still need to work at it.
Let's be honest and call it what it is... I like control. Whatever I can manage, mold, or shape, makes me happy and content. But there are just some things in life, we need to let go of. I understand the concepts of trust, but I don't really know what I'm trusting in. Am I trusting in Greg's Doctors? Trusting in Greg's ability to heal? Or am I simply releasing fears, frustration and control out to the beautiful forgiving Universe to keep my sanity?
Whatever it is, it has all worked out. Greg is perfectly fine and my desire to keep a tidy little "no sickness" life has gone to shit and I love it. There is something refreshing about knowing that even when times get tough we can bounce back. We grow, learn and keep moving to relinquish the need to micro manage our lives. When we finally let go - even an inch, we can look around with a smile, and realize, the universe has given us a mile.
Namaste,
Becs
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