Can be brought on because of death, and also loss. Since my car accident a few weeks ago, I have felt sad, depressed, introspective, euphoric, peaceful, withdrawn and just down right tired. The real impact of this situation came crashing down on me like a tidal wave that tossed me around like a rag doll, when I finally saw the wreckage. My first thought was awww poor car and then as I stood back and stared at all the twisted metal, I saw that car as a symbol for all that has been dying inside of me. My heart became instantly heavy and tears flooded my eyes. I am aware of my good fortune, to not have been hurt further. But this is not about a loss of life - this is about a loss of who I perceive I am.
We all are programmed from the time we are little to "be" a certain way. Over the past couple of years, I have made a conscious effort to become aware of who I "think" I am.
There are many expectations placed on us in life - by family members, loved ones, work and other external situations. Sometimes out of necessity we become a certain way to survive, to make due or to avoid conflict. The issue with this, is that our character develops, not from an deep sense of our own truth reality, but from outside pressures and expectations. However, this evolution is natural. Most of us start from this place of unconscious living and perceptions and work our way to our true essence. What it may feel like, for some of us, is a loss. A death occurs when we realize with complete and utter love for self - that we are NOT who others think we are or for that matter who we thought were... and HOLY SHIT - is that a wild devastating, beautiful eye opening, earth shattering journey.
I am picking up my new shiny red car today. In contrast my old car was dark grey. The symbolism seems obvious but I'll state it anyways... and that is the darkness that once was, is shifting into something bold and brilliant. I am a goddess who is aware of my growing personal power and expansion. I am breaking free, opening up and letting go. It's hard. I feel like I'm fighting with my old self at times... but that's ok. It's a process that we must go through, if we want to find our authenticity, true voice and a place within ourselves where we are not wearing a mask. We need to mourn. We need to take the time to witness and cry.
You will discover YOU, when you are ready to let go of the flimsy walls that surround you. When you're ready... take a test drive. See what it's like to step into the new and improved you. Then slowly place your foot on the gas and knock that shit down.