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Mourning

3/18/2015

5 Comments

 
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MOURNING...
Can be brought on because of death, and also loss. Since my car accident a few weeks ago, I have felt sad, depressed, introspective, euphoric, peaceful, withdrawn and just down right tired. The real impact of this situation came crashing down on me like a tidal wave that tossed me around like a rag doll, when I finally saw the wreckage. My first thought was awww poor car and then as I stood back and stared at all the twisted metal, I saw that car as a symbol for all that has been dying inside of me. My heart became instantly heavy and tears flooded my eyes. I am aware of my good fortune, to not have been hurt further. But this is not about a loss of life - this is about a loss of who I perceive I am.

We all are programmed from the time we are little to "be" a certain way. Over the past couple of years, I have made a conscious effort to become aware of who I "think" I am.

There are many expectations placed on us in life - by family members, loved ones, work and other external situations. Sometimes out of necessity we become a certain way to survive, to make due or to avoid conflict. The issue with this, is that our character develops, not from an deep sense of our own truth reality, but from outside pressures and expectations. However, this evolution is natural. Most of us start from this place of unconscious living and perceptions and work our way to our true essence. What it may feel like, for some of us, is a loss. A death occurs when we realize with complete and utter love for self - that we are NOT who others think we are or for that matter who we thought were... and HOLY SHIT - is that a wild devastating, beautiful eye opening, earth shattering journey. 

I am picking up my new shiny red car today. In contrast my old car was dark grey. The symbolism seems obvious but I'll state it anyways... and that is the darkness that once was, is shifting into something bold and brilliant. I am a goddess who is aware of my growing personal power and expansion. I am breaking free, opening up and letting go. It's hard. I feel like I'm fighting with my old self at times... but that's ok. It's a process that we must go through, if we want to find our authenticity, true voice and a place within ourselves where we are not wearing a mask. We need to mourn. We need to take the time to witness and cry.

You will discover YOU, when you are ready to let go of the flimsy walls that surround you. When you're ready... take a test drive. See what it's like to step into the new and improved you. Then slowly place your foot on the gas and knock that shit down.

5 Comments
louise
3/18/2015 01:54:21 am

I feel, once again, that I can totally reasonate with your words. I feel I know who I am, kind of, but almost daily fighting with how others expect me to be. And once and while when I don't do what is expected I get a negative reaction, or at least that's how I perceive it, and then I feel gulit. Its hard, really hard. But you certainly have the long end of the stick. You are so strong for feeling everything and take action. all the best forever.xxx

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Becca Pati
3/18/2015 06:08:45 am

Thank you for your kind response. One love. We are all in this together!

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Kate
3/18/2015 06:47:56 am

I have a mental illness with a variety of symptoms, but one of the ones that impacts on my life the most is that of not having a fixed sense of identity. Goals come and go quickly, passions can't be relied upon, life choices cannot be reliably made. Then the mood swings on top of that.....This leaves me feeling that I am never able to reach my full potential and I feel hopeless for the future. If you are able to really find out who you are - bloody go for it! It's great that you have used a traumatic experience as an opportunity to grow. Go on girl! We're all behind you!!xx

Reply
Becca Pati
3/21/2015 12:54:13 am

Thank you so much, Kate, for taking the time to share your own experiences. I know that mental illness takes its forms in many different ways and can be absolutely debilitating. I feel that sometimes we need to start slow. The first step to trusting your own feelings is to start with breath. Keep breathing. Maybe start with a basic yoga class or meditation to get grounded and settled every once in a while. I hope you continue to grow and expand. You are an amazing person and deserve abundance and self love. I am here.

Reply
Angela
3/26/2015 04:07:48 am

Lovely seeing you today. May we both continue to mourn and recover! 💖

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